this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
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Autism
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The list is extensive, but I've forced myself into this place of complete numbness so I can operate to a tiny degree each day. Like I'm 'living the dream' since I'm a shut-in NEET who plays games and watches TV. But it's a hollow lonely existence. I live with my mom and she's understanding and I help her how I can. Some of that help is cooking, yard work, and listening to her complain. If I complain it's the end of the world so I just have to bottle up everything and put on my best 'okay face'. Can't complain to her and can't complain to people online.
For example I'm in a clan in Destiny 2 as it's one of my games. I love the game but it has massive issues. If I mention those issues everyone acts like I'm an asshole and I've been warned to 'tone down the negativity' or I'd be removed. It's not even negativity... I'm pointing out that X or Y doesn't work most of the time. And if I dare say I'm doing anything other than amazing it's like someone walking into a room and shitting on the floor. I don't have any friends really and every community I've been a part of has always booted me out because they don't like something about how I interact with them.
I'm really lonely. Physically I haven't been touched in almost a decade and I've given up on finding a significant other since I'm a shut-in NEET with crippling gender dysphoria and anxiety. Like no one is going to take on the burden that I am even if I am loving and whatever. So I just exist in this state of numbness so I don't scream or talk to myself in a gibbering mess of tears.
Oh yeah those commercials about getting healthcare, in the USA, for $10 or less with assistance? Absolute bullshit. My mom got pissy with me that I needed to look into it. So I spent an hour doing their paperwork to find out it'd still cost me $200 and up for insurance with assistance. $200 is more than I would make in 4 or 5 years if I was lucky lol
Uh sorry this is long and pointless.
Wait people are getting upset with you for being negative about destiny? Lol that game is god awful… coming from a die hard day one destiny player
The remaining player base is rife with toxic positivity. I'm a former destiny addict, but I quit a long time ago, and so did most of the people I used to play with. The game sucks now, and it's not coming back.
Yeah all the clans I've been in always end up very insular (ie only play with a select few people) and since I play a lot solo (due to anxiety and not wanting to screw others over by messing up even if I'm a good player) I find fault with stuff. And when I bring up those issues I'm always told I'm being too negative or some such. Like this Dawning has some major issues and I brought some of them up today and had to try to say it nicely.