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Are infidelities really that common? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hello. So last week I went to a school reunion for the 20th anniversary of my hometown school. I'm not the kind of person who enjoy this kind of social events, but for this time I made an exception. My old friend from that time asked me to go and I thought I would be funny (spoiler alert: it wasn't funny). After the event and speeches, all my classmates and I went to a restaurant. I sat in front of a girl that I had a bit of a crush on when I was a kid. During the dinner I was mostly in silence, they were talking about gossips, old memories, relationships, comparisons... At some point she talked about a boyfriend she had. She said that she cheated on him like 10 or 20 times, she didn't know the exact number. The thing is... She was laughing about it, and so the others. "I told him I cheated on him, I don't know how many times.." She said, like nothing happened. My ex girlfriend told me that she also cheated on his fiancée some time before the wedding. She always said that infidelities are always there, like it is normal... But is it? I've been thinking about it for some time now, because I know some other cases. But I don't understand... There is no sense of morality ot loyalty or empathy?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

IIRC it's like a half or a third of the population that cheats, when research has been conducted. So, it's normal in the sense of common. But, like others have said, your reunion people sound like were trying to convince themselves it's normal in the sense of acceptable. And anecdotally it does tend to be the same people over and over again.

Polyamory is also getting mentioned, but that's a different thing, and poly people are a couple percent of the population at most with far fewer actually living the lifestyle.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

IIRC it's like a half or a third of the population that cheats,

That's always what I have estimated the percentage of assholes or bad people from personal sampling throughout my life.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago) (1 children)

I'd actually go way higher. The ones that seem nice are the easiest to externally pressure into doing bad things, which counts as being a bad person.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

What does it mean to do a bad thing? (I don't belive in good/bad people, so I'm curious on how you construct that worldview)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

I mean, there's all kinds of ethical philosophy out there. I don't really deviate too far from it.

In practice, there's a lot that most people can agree on without too much thought, too. For example, the classical case study for how being agreeable can work against doing the right thing is how ordinary and nice a lot of Nazis were, when not being ordered into atrocities.