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How do you feel when someone apologises too much? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:

How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?

It's honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an 'annoyance' is too harsh - but I don't actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.

I'm hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

It makes me feel like they're trying to minimize or discount my own feelings (of disappointment, anger, betrayal etc) to present themself as a victim. To me, an apology doesn't really mean much. It's just words. If you apologize, then continue to do the same thing that elicited the need for the apology in the first place, then you're not really sorry. You're just apologizing to get me to stop being upset/confrontational/etc.

Say 'sorry' once, but demonstrate you're actually sorry by changing your behavior. Otherwise, you're just repeating false platitudes in order to dismiss my own feelings.