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How do you feel when someone apologises too much? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:

How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?

It's honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an 'annoyance' is too harsh - but I don't actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.

I'm hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

It depends. Some people say I'm sorry as a way to recognize their own interactions with the world. Knock something over and you might say shit. She might say sorry. Both roughly mean the same thing. You didn't like that you knocked it over. The difference is anger is internal or singularly objective. I'm pissed at myself or the object. Sorry is environmental. I'm sorry to my apartment or to someone else who deals with the consequences.

The real test is if she says sorry and you tell her she only needs to be sorry if she did it on purpose. Particularly if in her mind the appology is actually meant for you. If she gets pissed off the implication is you don't accept her apology and you are blaming her for it or doubting her sincerity. If that's the case or if she laughs it off she's well adjusted and is just someone who does that. If she's confused apologizing is more a matter of being self concious. The truth is typically in the middle.