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How do you feel when someone apologises too much? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:

How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?

It's honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an 'annoyance' is too harsh - but I don't actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.

I'm hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's awkward. I'm not upset, please stop insisting that I should be. Am I now failing to live up to your expectations by being okay with stuff?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

This. It can be exhausting. I feel compelled to reassure the person that I'm not upset or whatever. It makes a big deal out of something i'd rather not be expending any social energy on.

Here's an exaggerated analogy of what is like: imagine that every time you sneezed someone came over all concerned, like 'are your alright? are you sure? do you need a doctor? ' and you had to explain that it was no big deal and that you were ok.

It also reminds me a little of people who cut themselves down, making you fell like you need to tell them, 'oh no, you're not ugly / stupid / a jerk' or whatever.