this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2025
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For anyone legitimately confused, there's potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he's been "screened" by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What's infinitely more likely is that now she's more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he's not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.
Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.
Definitely a bit of vetting going on
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you're now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
It's weird how you're getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.
It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.
Tomato tamato. You end up in the same place and the journey looks the same.
I disagree - it's the difference between a "lol, women only become interested when you're not available anymore" trope v. "You were a single dude in a sea of single dudes, now you're attached and in a smaller pool of nonmonogomous dudes. Pool is smaller, so more bites".
Or this was entirely clear in the other post if reading between the lines, and I'm just very tired.
It's not, and I found the original contribution you clarified helpful.