this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it's huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.

like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I'd honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Does the pelican have a gun?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

idk but in this neighborhood, probably

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Do you have ready access to a banana?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

no but I can print a picture of one

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Pelicans are naturally offended by bananas, a printout might work but a pocket banana is a solid distraction technique so you can get it pinned.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago (1 children)

they couldn't be naturally offended by bananas, as what we recognize as a banana is completely man-made. they must be unnaturally offended by it, or we bred the banana in such a way that it looks exactly like something that used to be offended by

probably pelican dildos.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

They’re offended by their existence as an abomination on the natural order of things, pelicans are extremely strict in their interpretation of scientific ethics and their adherence to it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago

then why do they keep trying to eat things that are bigger than them