this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2024
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Lord of the memes
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Galadriel and Celeborn were married in the First Age and the story takes place at the end of the Third, so they were married for at least six and a half thousand years. During that time, they had one child. How often do you think they had sex?
To be fair, his name is Celeborn. Can't blame him for being celibate.
No, I blame Tolkien and his literally making elves only bang for the purpose of procreation because he's a repressed Catholic weirdo sometimes.
Jokes on him, modern society has agreed elves are hos.
It would be prudent for a sentient species with such long lifespans to practice planned procreation rather than multiplying exponentially like a culture on a petri dish.
There's the Elven Rope that's light as a feather and strong as steel. No reason there could not have been the Elven Condom that's thin and impermeable.
I'm sure they had them, but they're incompatible. Can't make Elven Ropes while wearing an Elven Condom.
Fair enough, but I think we can agree that Tolkien elves were bad at planning
He could have just given them all narrow urethras like Hank Hill