this post was submitted on 16 Oct 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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No such thing. Ask away!

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Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.

I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

I certainly care, and I know many people do, but it’s probably not in the way you think.

I care about these things proportional to how much I care about the individual who is sharing them and how meaningful it is to them, because by caring and engaging in their life it allows me to validate the positive emotions and experiences they have, and to experience some of those emotions myself.

A good example is like with children - if a child wants to tell me about a cool rock they found, or about their favorite game, I may have zero personal interest in that item but I am interested in connecting with the child emotionally and encouraging them to be passionate about things they enjoy. I directly enjoy that experience with them because of this. This same type of connection absolutely can carry over and apply to adults as well.

The word we use to explain this is empathy. Empathy is when you are able to not just recognize the emotions of another, but to sincerely feel some of those emotions vicariously. Not everybody experiences empathy the same way, or are capable of it to the same degree. That’s ok and empathic people often misunderstand those who struggle with empathy. But don’t assume that people expressing it are insincere.