this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2024
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Fell out of high-chair at age 2, faceplanted and bit through tongue with the only 2 teeth I had at the time. Now have a second uvula on the bottom of my tongue.
Fell off of rocking chair at age 5, smacked forehead on concrete basement floor and now have permanent skull deformation on left side of forehead.
Wacked in the back of head with mop handle by brother pretending to be Jon BonJovi at age 5, 5 stitches and small divot in the skull back there.
Hit on head by rock thrown by neighbor kid age 6, no significant damage.
Fell off bike akira-sliding into driveway at age 7, pizza-faced for a month.
Fell off footpath bridge headfirst on to rocks age 9, 6 stitches administered at a vet's office because christian day schools are wild as fuck.
Head accidentally slammed in car door age 14.
Suckerpunched in a mugging at 17.
Hit in head by rock that fell off a passing dumptruck age 20, 8 stiches and was extremely lucky that I caught it on the second bounce.
There's probably more that I'm forgetting (because you know, 10 head injuries.)
You deserve a dedicated wikipedia page ma dude