this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
340 points (96.2% liked)
Asklemmy
43891 readers
763 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
People wonder why I’m an optimist. I’m not really. What I do is expect people to disappoint me. After all, none of us are perfect. When they don’t I’m surprised. When they do, I’m not mad, as just met my expectations.
I find people who don’t like other people expect them to not disappoint them and when they do they get angry and upset. It’s really just a mindset change.
Yours is a somewhat more cynical way of writing it down, but the underlying mindset is one I share.
I prefer to see it as not expecting anything from anyone, rather than expecting them to disappoint you. It’s basically the same, but doesn’t feel as cynical.
It truly changes your life though, no matter how you see it. I can’t remember myself having been, in real life, angry or disappointed in people in great many years. Life is just so much better without those feelings, which seems obvious, but you can’t really emphasis that enough still.
It took me years of self-reflecting and “finding myself” in the process of overcoming a years-long bout of clinical depression. It’s not easy, but I do believe everyone can find that mindset, given enough effort and perseverance. Sisu.
And to not linger on something negative.
Missed the train? Damn. Shit. Oh well *shrug*
Got 360 no scoped from across the map and now are mad? Idk, slap you thigh and carry on.
Fucked a chore up (or might not even be responsible for the fuck-up) and now your parent is mad? Apologize (if applicable) and carry on. No need to cook in madness.
I'm the same way and my SO hates it and calls me a pessimist or a negative thinker. I expect the worst and hope for the best.
Well to be fair it probably is pessimism. That doesn't make you a pessimist in the same way that me expecting to wake up every morning doesn't make me an optimist.
A ton can change just based on your mindset. There’s a lot of that subject in stoic and (secular) Buddhist philosophy. It’s not sticking your head in the sand, but rather practicing being more in control of your mental state while processing the things you need to process.
For instance in Buddhism one of the three poisons is attachment, or sometimes called greed. Having high expectations of other people and relying on their actions to inform your mental state is just setting yourself up for failure.
I don't like other people because I expect them to disappoint me.