this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2024
67 points (92.4% liked)
Asklemmy
43953 readers
1143 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
It's actually pretty simple (but not easy at all)... You start actually believing that other people can't hurt you. That is pretty much all there is to it. (Not quite, will explain later).
You simply don't give that power to people. I love my spouse. But my spouse cheats on me. Now I could be hurt by the betrayal... But why? What is the benefit for me? I don't need to feel hurt to know that my spouse is not worth keeping around, to be my spouse anymore.
If other people do something bad to me, that is not on me, it's their problem. They're evil/unaware/selfish. It's no reflection on the quality of person I am. Thus when someone does something bad to me, it's honestly just good to know. I can decide how bad I think it is and react accordingly. But feeling hurt by it is not really required in that process.
As I said at the beginning, "not quite", there are a whole bunch of other beliefs attached to/required by this. For example, I believe that everything is temporary, or at least that the chance of something permanent (really, temporary until end of life) being low. I don't expect to be together with my spouse to the end of time - if it happens though, I have nothing against it. I believe that change is fine, and I look forward to it: If my spouse cheats on me, I can experience no partner for a while or forever, or experience looking for a new one, both things are fine with me. And so on. Basically all my beliefs are set up in a way that I'm fine with whatever happens.
(The only exception is extreme, or lasting physical harm and death. I can't experience anything "normally" anymore when these happen to me. Some disabilities could be fine, but I probably have a limit of how much I could be affected. Losing all movement in all my limbs could be fine, but I'm not sure. Losing an arm or a leg or hearing or similar severeness I could probably be fine with.)
Now the thing is, changing your entire belief system to be fine with pretty much anything is not something people are either willing or able to do. I did it though and think that theoretically everyone can do it.