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Do-gooder derogation Basically, some people perceive others' moral choices as criticism or as some kind of bragging.
And some just see those who militantly focus on attacking fellow individuals instead of the systems that are actually to blame (but which they otherwise support and/or benefit from, like capitalism, racism, and ableism) counterproductive, annoying, and hypocritical.
The militant vegans I have come across, and being vegan myself, it's a lot, far too many (E: to the point I actively avoid vegan spaces), are almost exclusively drowning in so much privilege, they can't see how ridiculous they're being in their bizarre militancy of policing other people's plates instead of the actual industries abusing animals (and humans, who these vegans rarely to never pay any thought to, not out loud or in their actions, anyway).
(before I even hit send: if you feel personally attacked by my comment - that's a sign for you to think about it with yourself and ideally do something about it, not try and prove me wrong, inevitably proving me 100% right)
I wonder if being within those circles, you've been exposed to certain ugliness on a more intimate level; with people who feel comfortable enough in their in-group to express their more radical thoughts. Anecdotally, I've known a few vegans but have never been lectured nor had views pushed on me.
Hell, the only time I ever hear about the radical, pushy vegan is when people complain about them. On the flip side, I've been exposed to meat eaters who seem to get offended when someone mentions the concept of veganism, as if someone else not eating animal products is somehow a trigger for them.
Again, all anecdotes here, I'm just figuring one's exposure to the vocal minorities on either side of the conversation is where you run into the problems.
It's the privilege thing that gets me every time. Not everyone can participate in your exclusive food club and be healthy and fulfilled. Let people do the best they can with what they have.
Fascinating! Thank you for this article. It exactly describes what's happening: "oh, you think you're better than us? I'll have another steak!"
This is really easy to test in fairly small social groups. The next time you're in a group ordering pizza, say you want cheese, because you don't eat meat. Now watch everyone else order, or change their order to, double meat supreme with bacon. It's almost like they can't help themselves. It's hilarious how easy you can change other people's behavior.
This is by far the most frustrating thing
There's another factor here. People who are vegan, sober, poly, don't drive, and any number of choices are breaking societal norms. Most people don't even think about these things as choices. They do the default. Realizing that there's a choice, and that this person decided not to do the default, puts people off. It makes them uncomfortable. They begin to question things they've never had to evaluate.