this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024
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Being 'to negative' (midwest.social)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
40 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So I'm a shut-in with a ton of problems and no money. My life revolves around World of Warcraft and Destiny 2 which is sad in its own right I'm sure. Anyway every single time I try to find a community (guild or clan) it goes to hell within a month or so. They always say I'm too negative about the game or my performance. No matter what I do/say it apparently always comes across as 'negative' and they see it as hurting their community. Funny enough these communities are always dead and I'm talking into a void trying to engage people.

Sorry I'm not sure why I'm posting this. Just had another group tell me I was getting kicked due to negativity and I'm so tired of it. I don't have any friends, I'm always starting over from scratch and even if I try my hardest it still ends the same way. Don't even feel that I'm being negative since I just say bugs me. Sorry. Feel like I could cry, because of everything, and I can't even do that.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 6 months ago

I have some experience with this unintended negativity, both from working on my own and helping friends and colleagues (programmers). You care and want to help - feeling positive or neutral, people feel like you are pushing negativity on them.

I'm happy to have a longer discussion with you over DM to help - maybe go through some conversation examples - but for general advice I'd focus on:

  1. Suggesting improvement is criticism.

  2. When talking about non-persons (plan, initiative, item, map, game, ...) people will take it personally if they have any connection to it. E.g. if they found a new gun, they may be excited to test it out. Commenting "x is better" sucks away their happiness. If they have spent a lot of time grinding on something, telling them "you should do Y it is faster" devalues the time they spent and makes them feel stupid.

  3. Most people you interact with don't want to play optimally. Any helpful advice to show them a better way is making them feel worse about the fun they are having.

  4. But! If people ask you for advice explicitly, let loose! What would otherwise be interpreted as negativity, will be taken positively.