this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
74 points (91.1% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35735 readers
969 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

It's not that I can't. The problem is that when I'm with someone, I deeply yearn to be alone. I'd love to have my life for myself, with no responsibility with no one else - just me.

But then, when I'm alone, I feel like a failure, like I need a relationship to feel complete, and I fucking hate that. So I end up in another relationship, and after two years I can't stand it anymore, and the cycle repeats.

What the hell. Has anyone suffered from something like that? How can you be alone and not feel lonely? How to kill this need to be with someone?

EDIT: Thanks for all the answers, I'm taking every single one into consideration. Please, keep them coming.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I know several people like this, it's normal IMO to need social connection, I don't think you are broken or anything, modern life is hard in a way and if you are a man, it can be even harder because in general men don't have as many other ways to connect with people so rely more on their romantic partners to provide it. It's not natural , historically speaking, to be alone as much as we can today. But yes kind of shitty to use people because you can't be alone so I understand wanting to change it.

If I was being snarky, I'd say have kids because oh my God does that teach you to value solitude. We moved to a new house once and I was alone in the house one day and realized I'd not been alone in that house before, ever, and it had been over a year. The only time alone I'd had for a year was in the car or on a walk.

Therapy is probably the best answer but mindfulness, meditation might help. Sit with your thoughts until you figure out what is happening. When it gets uncomfortable and boring, abide. Listen to the world, focus on your breath, let the thoughts come.

And don't discount the value of weak social connections, talking to people at work, going to the same place to get coffee or a drink every day, go physically to the library for books, go shopping at little places with real cashiers. All that casual interaction is really good for you, not just deep friendships and lovers but regular shallow contacts too. Oh, and you'll never have no responsibility, I think you know that, but people do vary in how high maintenance they are, a good match should make you feel you have less responsibility because there are two of you to handle it.

ETA: the "two years" thing made me laugh. That was my husband after he divorced and before we met - he had a string of two years relationships. I think that's when infatuation fades and you see what is underneath it. So I told him no to living together until we'd been together two years, then he wanted to get married I told him two years before he could ask me that too.