this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2024
64 points (95.7% liked)

Asklemmy

44173 readers
2073 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You’re not gonna like this:

Stick with the cbt. If every professional you go to puts you on it then they all see that you’re lacking what sometimes get referred to as basic life skills or coping skills. It’s okay if that’s the case, that’s why cbt exists.

It won’t help you understand your life, but it will help you change the ways you’re fucking up and that will give you the opportunity to gain understanding by lowering your stress level and improving your chances of making it through college, which would make things easier if you did.

Don’t worry about dating. Its fucked everywhere and the only good dating advice is get an emotional outlet, a therapist and work at a bar.

It used to be when people wanted wisdom they’d ask their grandparents or equivalent. Just a thought.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Just to clarify, basic skills do not equate to common skills. Everyone goes through stages and situations in life that they are not mentally equipped to handle. Incidentally, situations like that is a good pivot point for acquiring said skills. Also CBT helps you doing this, even though it is a little boring.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Yeah it sucks that the words for that stuff have a value assessment baked into them.