this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
222 points (97.4% liked)

Asklemmy

43846 readers
675 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago (7 children)

Non-monogamists. Not referring to simply polyamorists or even relationship anarchists, but non-monogamists in general. When I saw LGBT equality unfold in the first world, I thought "yay we're finally throwing off those norms" but here we are a decade or so later and polyamory still gets everyone saying "meh". The only time I've ever seen polyamorists in late night media was in an episode of The Resident, and it was used to illustrate the man as a cult leader, which tied into the show like pineapple ties into pizza (I do not miss that show). But you have an LGBT couple in every five episodes.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I think this one is tough. I know a few people that consensual non-monogamy has worked out well for (long term), but most of the people that I know who tried it out it hasn't gone well. So I'm not against it in theory, but it comes with a lot of caveats. I don't personally know anyone who began a monogamous relationship, transitioned to poly, and had it end well. I tend to think of this scenario as a sign of relationship trouble, or a cause of it. Maybe it's not polyamory's fault that so many people in relationship trouble are drawn to it.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I know a lot of people for whom monogamy hasn't turned out well, too. Lots of divorces and broken hearts. If you think of all the relationships that don't work out, the ones that do are miracles.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's fair for sure. I do think I've lived long enough to know a few predictors of failed relationships though, and if someone tells me they're opening up the relationship, then I expect them to be done within a year.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's probably a selection bias though. Most people might try opening up their relationship when there are already problems.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

It's true, and I kind of mentioned that in my original comment. I'm just speaking from my experience. I do know one couple with an open relationship who have been going strong for years. The difference for them (I think) is that they have been poly since the beginning.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It's pretty common to the point of being cliché that "we opened up out relationship" will fail. Usually the people involved are going to come at it in an extremely hierarchical way. Often there are existing problems that aren't being addressed. It's almost at the same tier as "let's have a baby to save our relationship"

People who are non monogamous from the start I expect have similar success rates as anyone else.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

I pretty much agree.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

I don’t “meh” is hate. Just don’t think people are interested in non-monogamous relationships. I find it funny though because people still cheat and we have a high divorce rate, yet people still shame others for being promiscuous and desire to be in monogamous couples.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

Yeah, I understand not wanting it in one's own relationship, but other people should be allowed to do whatever they want. I don't understand getting upset at a polyamorous couple. If you don't like it then just don't do it yourself

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

There’s a ‘polyamorous’ couple in You and they’re a terrible representation of polyam. They’re more swinger, which I know a lot of and they’re cool, but not the same.

Polyamory is wildly misunderstood and gets a lot of negative feedback as a result in my experience, and while I know it’s not for everyone, ENM is a solution that would let a lot of people be a lot happier than they are today.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Yeah I'm sure this is for no reason

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Even LGBT is far from being actually free.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

fuck the haters non-monogamy is badass