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How to meet people (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I've been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don't have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I'm too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I'm the "odd old lady". I think people past 40 don't really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I'm overweight so I can't really use apps, and to be honest don't really want. So how a single woman without kids (can't have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Volunteer work is my go-to answer in these situations.

I'm around 40, am always very busy with work, and I can't hold complex conversations in the language that 95% of the population of my country speaks exclusively. My personal interests are extremely technical, and unusual (bordering on arcane). So meeting new friends is a bit of a challenge for me too.

It was still a very effective way to meet awesome people of all ages, some younger, some older! I even met my wife that way.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm in a similar situation, and met my girlfriend of three years that way. We love each other, but communication was sometimes an issue... and I often felt deeply lonely far away from my family and far from anyone who could understand me well.

We broke up last week. I'm going back to my home country. My heart feels like it will never recover. We planned a whole future together. I love her so deeply, but I also felt incredibly lonely in the relationship, and jealous even of other couples who could just talk easily to one another.

I don't know if I've done the right thing. Maybe she didn't need to get all my jokes. Maybe she didn't need to know all my cultural references. Maybe having each other and making new memories together was enough.

I'm broken.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

That hits close to home -- I had it a bit easier though. They had emptied my bank account without my knowledge or permission and left me for dead in the developing world, while they ran off to a new country and job they had secretly set up. Robbed their family too.

So at least all the bridges were thoroughly burned and I could focus on rebuilding. That kind of focus is a very powerful tool and I was able to bootstrap myself into a middle class life within a reasonable time. I came to realize how much that relationship had been holding me back.

Nearly died of cholera though. Anyway, the things we don't have the power to change legitimately hurt real bad, but I hope you will one day surprise yourself with how much you can affect the things you do have the power to change.