this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2024
103 points (85.5% liked)
Asklemmy
43739 readers
1273 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. "Oh, you're from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?" Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don't show any curiosity about them.
Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.
Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).
I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.
I was late ~~diagnosed~~ discovered as well. Early 30s.
I have a decent mask built up but it is really exhausting so I try not to use it if I don't have to.
On thing I've found about small talk is, people love to be told what day it is. Like they ask you "how's it going?" and you say back "well it sure is a Tuesday!" It's actually amusing how well it works.
That's good advice for someone who has a more outgoing partner who knows how to small talk.
I don't know if this applies to this kind of question though. If you ask someone where they're from and they say Canada and you want more you would say "what part" not start going up the generations
I might or might not be. I was tested as a child, but my parents were told that I had ADHD. They could have been wrong, though. I'll keep my mind open and maybe get checked out again at some point though.
I would agree with you about the small talk thing, but I could also argue that some people just suck at small talk. ADHD, trauma, behavioural diagnosis, etc could all be a cause. I would also argue that most people would pick up on someone avoiding a topic. If I get one worded answers, I'll usually move on to the next thing or I'll let that person be. I won't usually keep asking someone the same question in different ways if I don't get an answer the first couple of times haha.