Asklemmy

It's mostly about how mindful I'm being, but it's always about the perspective. Although, I have always been very laid back and easy going - I don't have a problem being the leader but I also don't mind just letting things play their course.

For something like your example - the things that get me the most are say, the towel I'm using to wipe my dogs feet gets caught on every edge imaginable, hanging and tugging. It's frustrating because I am doing something that I expect to be a certain way and I'm meeting resistance over something so simple. I'm just trying to dry the dog, why does this little thing get hooked on everything?

And same, not just the towel for the dog but everything - putting back a wooden spoon and it not going in, repeatedly. Any of that sort of thing will get me. Something about the task supposed to be taking 5 seconds but then taking so much longer, compounded with the fact that like come on it's so simple just get in there! Oh man, when a jacket gets caught as you're taking it off? If I'm already on the verge of a bad mood that ruins me.

For other things though, it just doesn't matter. Like, what does it really matter?? So I went to the store and forgot something. Yeah that does suck. Oh well! Unless it was something absolutely necessary and it was the last opportunity - fuck man, yeah it's unfortunate but I mean... Nothing to be done about it now. Why focus on that? It's funny because I legitimately have gotten more upset about my jacket getting stuck as I take it off than when I forget something at the store. What gives with that? Lol.

I am generally an optimistic, outgoing person who looks for the best in things. That doesn't mean I don't get set back for a few minutes, sometimes half an hour, over something pointless. Another example that happens to me often - you have a project or a plan, you know exactly what you want to do and how to do it. Then you go to look for X, Y, and Z. X is gone, Y is broken/not charged, and Z is there but the other two are fucked so what now?? Then you either have to half-ass it around the jank or give up the plan and do it later, but the motivation hit you 10 minutes ago so now you're just set stuck seething about a project you wanted to do but can't finish.

For me it's all about perspective. When I am most easy going is when I care the least, and when I am able to go with the flow or quickly get over something, it's almost a sort of contentment from nihilism. It's not that "nothing" matters, it's that what matters is that I'm right here right now - what I'm doing is sort of irrelevant? The core details exist and the little ones don't matter.

For example with the dog again, when I come back from a walk in the winter time I know what you mean. The dogs feet are soaked, so are mine. I'm all hot and bundled up with wet socks. My jacket just got stuck as I was taking it off. But man, then I grab that towel and I start rubbing down my dogs legs, she hands me her paw all dainty and pants and then hands me the other one. Licking the air and looking at me. She's just so damn precious that all I can focus on is how cute it is to clean her paws after our walk, with the added benefit that now the entire floor and furniture doesn't get wet/muddy. It's not so much the result of dry cleanliness I'm going for as much as it is living in the moment with her.

Each of these are rooted in plans with expected outcomes, or the results of something else unplanned. If you are able to shift your perspective about these things, that truly can help.

When plans with expected outcomes don't go your way, I find myself looking at whether it was in my control or out of my control, and to what degree if any. Sometimes things are just entirely out of our control. If that's the case, then so what? What could we possibly have done? Absolutely nothing, so why fret?

Sometimes it was something in our control. Well, if it didn't happen and it was a mistake then it's something to learn from and work on. If it wasn't, then whatever still? Most things in life hardly affect us for more than 6 hours, so realistically why let something small affect you for even that long in the first place? If it was in your control then now you've learned how to better navigate it next time.

There's all sorts of things that I could say, I understand and relate to this. Nothing that I'm saying by the way is meant to be negative, I recognize the same things and these are how I am about it.

My partner is very different from me, a cap to a soda could fall and the next 20 minutes are stressful. The disappointment from not getting something expected will last the rest of the day. But the in/out of control still remains true.

My only real "suggestion" among all this, since it's mostly just validation, is that where possible try to set yourself up for success. Make routines that make your life easier - I've started setting a towel down as part of my W.A.L.K. preparation so she walks in that and I fold it round her when we're back.

Follow the 5-5-5 rule, does it take 5 seconds, 5 minutes, or 50 minutes? If it takes 5 seconds to just put the can away, just do it. If it takes 5 seconds to put the dog food away, just do it. If it takes 5 minutes, plan it around another 5 minute task. Give yourself 15 minutes of dedication to something specific, with 45 minutes of room behind it. .

After 15 minutes, you have either finished your task and you can move on, or you have gotten heavily invested into it and you have the next 40 minutes to continue it. And of course if it takes 50 minutes, then you just know it's a weekly task you have for that day.

And remember, if it's something (small) that would get a negative reaction out of you - why? Is the loss of whatever happened really so much of a setback that taking 5-10-30 minutes more time to react to it worthwhile? But I know that it's not just that easy, but it can always help to have reminders.

Think that's about all from me, but I feel you. As a very happy, bubbly, uplifting person I still understand and resonate with this. I hope what I had to say is able to help, but even if not I hope it helps knowing someone else understands exactly what you are talking about and that this is a sliding scale that people exist on.