Autism

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Warning: Hot take: the longer I’m a parent, the more I feel that we shouldn’t be able to have children (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

4 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Some background:

I am a 35 year old male with a 2 year old son. I was diagnosed this year after a lifetime of struggling and becoming a parent exacerbating my traits.

Today I had an appointment with my son’s speech therapist, because he’s still not talking more than a couple words. The appointment is unstructured play and interaction including mimicking him, waiting for his cues, etc. The problem is, I can’t pick up on communication cues or read what to do next. I can’t communicate with him like a normal parent and I feel like I’m holding him back.

The therapist had to guide me as much as she had to guide him. This was my first time meeting her, and it was all overwhelming and overstimulating. I was fighting back tears half the time and I couldn’t keep and make eye contact as well as my 2 year old. 😭

I feel like my kid is going to be stunted because of my issues. I’m newly divorced and I’m doing my best so my wife doesn’t take him from because “I care for him, but can’t care for him.”

I struggle without routines and children are chaos. I am excluded by other parents because I’m weird or different, and they keep their kids away from us when playing at the park. I want him to be able to socialize and have friends and his autistic monster father gets in the way.

Everything is always so overwhelming and I struggle to not have panic attacks. How am I supposed to help when he gets to school? I have trouble with numbers and can’t do math😭😭

I just feel like giving up. I don’t know what to do

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

This doesn't read so much as a hot take and more like a cry for help. I'm sorry to hear that you have been having a hard time with your son. Any divorce is difficult, and having a child with special needs certainly doesn't make it easier.

I of course don't know the whole situation, but based on what you've written here, I would reccommend two things. First, at your next sessions with your son's therapist, you might ask her if she knows, or has information on where to find, someone who can help you with parenting and divorce from your perspective. It's important to remember that the therapist is always on your side, and you need not be embarrassed to ask her about such things.

Second, I think it might be valuable to search for other autistic parents and/or children in your area so you can share experiences and tips. Your son might also appreciate meeting children who are more like him, especially later on. Perhaps you can find parenting groups online, or you might ask the therapist about this as well.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you a lot of strength and success.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Not sure if you explained to the speech therapist that you have autism and difficulties with this. But it may make a huge difference in the way they approach this situation. Also it may help the therapist to know there is a family history of autism and check your son for it to become speech delay/non verbal can be a sign of it in young kids

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is so fucking generalizing. Do you really think you can speak for all people on the SPECTRUM?

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago

I see your point. Counterpoint: have you actually read the post? OP’s post reads less like “this is why we shouldn’t have kids” and more “holy fuck am I gonna be able to have this kid grow into a functioning adult?”. You can at least stand to be less rude.

OP, I’ll toss you my two cents as a slightly younger person whose been diagnosed their whole life: if you’re this worried about being a good parent for the kid, then I honestly think your kid is in the best possible hands. I think the biggest thing that helped a lot for me growing up was patience - I was lucky enough to have parents that loved me enough to have the patience of a saint. I also think I didn’t speak til I was around 3 or 4, but nowadays I am able to actually hold conversations with people, have a full-time job in IT after graduating college with a bachelor’s, and I am able to live on my own without assistance. While that’s one part a humblebrag, I also two parts pointing that out because your kid can also achieve the same things - if a mess of a kid like me can do it, I optimistically believe that anybody can do it.

Now, gonna be real here: it’s not going to be easy, doubly so because you’re also diagnosed yourself and a single parent. It’s not impossible, but you will go through a lot of trials and tribulations - and so will the kid, because they also have to put in the effort. But if you love that kid, give them the patience they need, and try your damnedest to help them out with anything they need growing up… I think that sounds like a good recipe for raising any kid, autistic or not.