Asklemmy

Work first on being a good human.
That will make you a good (and attractive) man or woman.

The archaic concept of masculinity or femininity itself is wretched.

People worry far too much about what others think of them and what mold they should fit into. Be yourself. Be a good, caring, empathetic person with convictions and passions and hobbies. Become proficient in one or more things so others find you interesting. Learn how to do things without the aid of technology. Read books. Travel as far as you can. Give a shit about yourself and your community.

If you’re struggling to fit a mold that society is telling you you should fit into, you’re already lost. That doesn’t mean you can’t find yourself. It means that mold probably isn’t right for you. And there is nothing wrong with that. If others have a problem with you not being what they expect, that’s their issue to resolve. The sooner you’re able to let go of societal concepts, the more free you’ll be to be the best version of you.

Don’t confuse being a good man and being a good person. It’s the same thing. There is nothing you can do to become more of a man that won’t make you more of a person.

IMO “developing” “masculinity”—“proper” or otherwise—is a fool’s errand. I don’t much care what various & sundry people think “masculinity” is or isn’t, and I’m not much interested in meeting the performance criteria of their varied & contradictory masculinities. I don’t hang out with the kinds of people who gatekeep gender.

One resource that jumps to me is a book called "The Way of the Superior Man". While I don't agree with or remember everything in it, I remember it being something that helped me become a better man. Also Aragorn from Lord of the Rings as a fiction role model, little harder for a non-fiction one. Someone mentioned healthygamerGG, Henry Cavill?

The Lord of the Rings. Aragorn is a perfect example of positive masculinity. Strong, brave, a good leader, emotionally available and connected to all his friends. Sam and Frodo are also very positive. Books and films are good. Cinema Therapy YouTube channel has a few episodes on the lord of the rings and they are all good watches. The Aragorn one covers positive masculinity I think.

You don't need masculinity. If you identify as a man, that's as manly as you need to be.

"Masculinity is not the opposite of femininity, but rather the opposite of boyish immaturity."

I find the point being looking at toxic traits and seeing what the normal version of that is. In example: Men showing emotion being viewed as weak, and other men bullying or belittling those that do. Obviously you're not going to pursue being more emotional, but you can be there for young boys that are in your life and tell them it's okay to experience these things. Teach proper coping mechanisms, or learn them yourself if you need to. Another example would be wardrobe. My dad was huge on black being some sort of gateway to god knows wtf he thought. Also thought dudes wearing nail polish was absolutely unacceptable. Am I going to go around trying to force myself to wear those things now? Nah, not my style, but if my kids want to wear certain colors or paint their nails I'll make damn sure they done feel immasculated because of those choices. Idk it's weird to me to paint things definitively as 'healthy masculinity' and more of a 'these behaviors obviously aren't normal'. Healthy masculinity would be just returning to being a normal, feeling, caring human being. Maybe my view is skewed or something, idk. Happy to hear what others think.

If you haven't read The Will To Change by bell hooks it is definitely worth a read. It is a cure to the toxic gender wars of the 2010s and today and is a compassionate look at masculinity as a whole. I highly recommend it.

Work to develop emotional stability and security in being oneself. For me, that was many years of therapy learning to love myself. I got there in 2019, but the work continues. I'm the healthiest, mentally and emotionally, that I've ever been in my life. I truly did not believe I could ever make it as far as I have on this journey.

In more general spaces I find bringing it up instantly summons incels, unfortunately.

I think it would be great if more men read (or just read summaries of) basic feminist texts, especially Judith Butler and people of her ilk. Before I realised I wasn't a man they helped me. I think the deconstruction of gender that feminism offers serve men just as much as women - it made masculinity feel like less of a prison (nevermind that I ultimately largely moved more feminine).

I remember reading authors like John Stoltenberg, the aforementioned Judith Butler, and some perspectives of feminism/masculinity in a working class context.

Oh man I cant believe I forgot to mention Adam Savage, that dude is a legend of a role model. He uploads to youtube nearly daily

That other people seem to be misunderstanding your question, just providing examples of men with positive masculinity (although I would say Iroh is a good one, on that topic), rather than resources for men to become better more positively masculine. Is that what you mean, correct?

Healthy masculinity is understanding that many younger men look up to you, so you must be a role model for them. Manifest that in whatever way you believe is best, and you are a healthy masculine person. (This is just, like, my opinion)

I haven't read through all of it, but Federici's Caliban and the Witch is really good. bell hooks' entire works seem appropriate to recommend, especially The Will to Change, sadly though I haven't read them myself so I can't be all that specific!

As for other media, I think Waymond from Everything Everywhere All at Once is a great male role model.

Doctor K/HealthyGamerGG talking about this on diary of a ceo