this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2023
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My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 51 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (8 children)

As an alcoholic, you cannot help someone who doesn't want help. It's a disease that grabs ahold of your mind and tells you to do things you actively don't want to do. It's hard to explain how you can just NOT want to be drunk today but then do it anyways. How you can know you're hurting the people around you and still do it anyways. Both of my parents were violent alcoholics, but as I've grown and dealt with the issues of addiction myself, I've learned to have empathy for them.

Whatever you do, don't marry this person unless you're 100% sure you can deal with this disease. It may get better but it will definitely get worse for a time. There is no "former alcoholic". There are only alcoholics who choose not to take the first drink.

I hate to say something so harsh but it's the truth. I'm glad my girlfriend has endured me but I'm trying. There was a time I was downing 2 pints of bacardi gold every day, waking up and filling my coffee cup with it and drinking all day, sometimes passing out, waking up and drinking some more. I've cut back but I made.the decision myself. My girlfriend definitely pushed me in that direction and I'm not trying to take credit away from her trying, but everyday I make that decision myself.

You can push your fiance, but they have to make that decision. Everyday.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I resent this view even though I know there's a certain truth to it. I feel like they need to try naltrexone first before he assimilates this view. That's all I'm gonna say for now...

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago (2 children)

i think this drug addiction is bad you should take this drug instead

wow thanks western medicine for your input

we need mental healthcare and actual resources for people to get help. and not a stigma on the victims of addiction.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Addiction is a disease treatable with drugs like other illnesses, I'm a former alcoholic and while I never used nal in recovery I've heard lots of people praising it, You don't sound like ya have much experience with addiction issues. Drugs like nal take away some of the pleasure of drinking while still allowing a compulsive drinker to drink, it's a major lifeline for somebody struggling and imo I way better than an abstinence based approach with higher power like AA

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