I get that for older gay people in English-speaking countries and i appreciate that you shared this. My perspective on this is rather different, as i'm from Germany and completely out-of-date English slurs are obviously not something people here normally have a personal trauma from. On this side of the North Sea, the people who take objection to the term queer are mainly assimilationists who don't want to be lumped in with anybody who is too flamboyant, loud and gender-nonconforming for their straight friends and business partners, or they're outright terfs who love to make up stuff about how lesbianism is erased by the queer agenda (ofc most of the time these aren't even lesbians, and if you see them at a counterprotest to a Dyke* March, odds are they are paid to be there by one of the European fronts for the Heritage Foundation). So i'm not used to needing to pay attention to who i piss off with the term, because my experience is that it reliably pisses off people i want to piss off.