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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I think a direct approach is best and not caring if the person gets offended but also not trying to offend them. Something like "Sorry i don't feel comfortable with you asking about my personal life can we keep the conversation professional?"

Then if they dont accept that, and keep at it is when youd go to HR.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd word it more like "Sorry I don't feel comfortable discussing my personal life at work", that way it takes the onus off of the person and keeps it neutral.

Maybe that's just me though, I haven't worked in an office in 4 years.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

The neutrality is the issue a lot of these responses have imo. People are too complacent. Standing up for yourself and being direct is not a bad thing.