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Do you have favorites or specific list preferences about trivial things like color or music? (lemmy.world)

submitted 8 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I always feel awkward when asked my favorite color, song, or any other type of trivial question. I have my standard responses I remain consistent with over time, but they are only consistent lies. Are those types of questions fundamentally awkward to you too?

I like things that look nice. I may lean toward one color or another at times, but I would never seek out the color before or to the exclusion of something that looks nice. It feels like color prejudice or something to say I have a favorite. I'm open minded to all colors in any situation more like an artistic mind I guess. That is the kind of thought process I go through when I'm asked to pick my favorite (x). I want to respond with the equally vague questions of when and what circumstances.

Some may call it over thinking, but what use is there in saying you have a favorite when in reality it is more complicated. Like, is that favorite song playing at a wedding, a house party, and a funeral. Or, are all your clothes your favorite color.

What do you think a person's response to such questions says about them, their depth, curiosity, and open mindedness?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (4 children)

I understand these questions as conversation openers rather than actual questions.
Having one "favorite" anything let alone something as vague as a color, is impossible. And the person asking doesn't really want a specific answer, they just don't know what to say so they also follow a scripted questions they've heard before.

So I will respond with something like "I listen mostly to Genre A and Genre B. I've been to the concert of Band Z recently. What's the latest concert you've been to?"
Or "I try to wear bright colors in the winter, to try and compensate for the gray days and cold nights"

Something related to the opening question but doesn't have to be a singular answer. More like your general opinion on colors followed by a question so the other person has something to latch onto for their turn in conversation.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Ah, small talk stresses me out. Why can't people just open with "tell me something you accomplished or learned this year"?

Then we cut right to the things that matter.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago (1 children)

“tell me something you accomplished or learned this year”

That's gonna sound hostile to a good chunk of people. Rather than asking 'what', it demands 'tell me'. Next, it supposes the other person be accomplished in act or learning. It is the difference between saying, "How you doin'?" and "Prove you are worth my attention."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

It would be inaccurate to take it as a literal quote :)

This is just what I wish I could say. Small talk annoys me greatly, and in practice I want to shift conversations in deeper directions as quickly as reasonably possible. I'd much rather exchange a few thoughtful phrases with a stranger than a large volume of nonsense. "Can you tell me something important about yourself?" is maybe a little less aggressive. Anyway, my Vietnamese language skills are not good, and immigrants are rare here in Vietnam, so conversation is... necessarily direct :)

I actually do want people to prove they are worth my attention! If they haven't learned or accomplished anything in a year (in their opinion, not mine), then I can't talk about things I've done or learned without it getting awkward, and I have nothing else to talk about (I spend essentially all my time either working or studying). I just don't have room in my life for many people, either. This isn't their fault or mine. My wife is the same way (and we certainly skipped the small talk when we met -- we went right to engineering schematics for something or other).

I'll share a funny story that might explain a bit of my frustration -- I live in Asia, so all my conversations are extremely scripted. How are you / how old are you / where were you born / are you married / do you have kids / why don't you have kids / you must silently sit here and listen while I go on a 10-20 minute rant on why you have to have kids, or I will tell everyone how rude you are. My wife and I get stuck in this conversation constantly. Sometimes so many times in a row, that we effectively do nothing but have this conversation over and over for 3-4 hours. At family events, it's the only conversation that happens for days. It's like a glitch in the Matrix or something, you really have to experience it to believe it!

Of course I still have to be polite, have mostly empty conversations, and so on. It's exhausting, and I don't remember any of their names, because I have learned nothing about them. It's not the lack of people (in Asia?) that makes me feel alone, it's this.

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