Asklemmy

What about volunteering groups? I'm in my 20s but volunteering groups tend to have people on the older side. It helps that people in their 40s and over tend to be financially stable and would spend their free time to volunteer.

Organize a local Lemmy meetup for 40+ year olds! Lol

I am in my mid 40s myself. I think the default advice is to just find social hobby groups and meet people that way. The more you put yourself out there, the more chance you have to make a connection. Also, I don’t think it’s a problem to be the “odd old lady” - wear that badge with pride IMO.

Volunteer work is my go-to answer in these situations.

I'm around 40, am always very busy with work, and I can't hold complex conversations in the language that 95% of the population of my country speaks exclusively. My personal interests are extremely technical, and unusual (bordering on arcane). So meeting new friends is a bit of a challenge for me too.

It was still a very effective way to meet awesome people of all ages, some younger, some older! I even met my wife that way.

You're overweight? Make the gym your hobby. I'm a 48 year old woman and I go to the gym every day and lots of people to interact with.

I agree it's hard to find new friends when being 40+. But I would avoid apps, and go for Meetup events. It just feels a lot lot more natural to share a walk, or some event, with strangers, since it's easy to get going and talk about things.

Remember that it's hard for everyone, even people in relationships to find new friends outside of the relationship. I had a female friend that I liked, but my partner got jellous and I couldn't really see her anymore. I understand the reasons but it's just a bit annoying.

like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol

WTF.

I'm 49, you are absolutely not too old to be going out. You're also not to old to be in the middle of the mosh pit.

I would find a group or club related to hobbies you have. Hobbies can start as a common interest, and as you get to know each other, things can grow from there.

It's not a guaranteed "relationship finder" but you'll at the very least make some friends.

I hope it's not too personal of a question to ask, but are you straight, lesbian, or bi? Because each one of those kind of comes with its own set of suggestions. You obviously do not have to share if you do not feel comfortable with that. I just don't want to be giving a lesbian hints about finding a guy, you know?

Or do I just give up?!

Whatever you do, don't give up. Nobody deserves to live in loneliness. There are many like you out there - people are lonelier than ever before. Whatever you do, try to fight against that.

I'd like to know too.

My childhood friend ditched his family and swapped for a younger woman from work about a decade ago. Marriage was not the happiest, but I think he jumped the gun. Now the younger woman ditched him and he's alone. His now teenage child is keeping touch, but is not happy about their history.

Guy is miserable and I'm afraid suicide is an option.

Can't get him to take a new hobby, interest or activity. He's been drowning himself in work and I don't think it's helping.

Disc golf is absolutely something to check out, no matter where you are starting from. Golf-like rules with much more interesting terrain and equipment. Unlike golf in being easy and cheap to pick up, and having a famously friendly player base with deep hippie roots and a passion for growing the sport. My mom plays with gusto in her 60’s, and several of her senior center buddies found their way into the game on their own too.

It shares many of the good things about hiking, volunteering, and activity clubs, and new friends from those will be excited to join you on the course. A group encountering the sport early on and all getting addicted to it together are such a joy. It’s also a fantastic sport for just walking through the forest alone, listening to audiobooks and talking to birds and chipmunks while practicing whipping colorful plastic into the distance with your whole body (and accidentally hitting trees.)

Disc golf was the fastest growing sport in much of the world pre-pandemic, and took off so fast during the opening act that you could hardly buy discs off the shelf. You may have many courses and shops nearby, https://udisc.com/ is the best place to get started. Good teachers like Danny Lindahl can help with the form basics if you want a crash course. As you get more involved, there are new niches to find like disc dyeing, weekly amateur doubles leagues, following the pro scene on YouTube, and volunteering at tournaments with course clubs.

Go try it! Wear sturdy shoes, let people play through if you’re in a relaxed paced group, yell FORE and keep yelling at errant shots, and just get a beginner friendly fairway driver and a putter that feels good in your hand and go try ‘em out. Hope ya have a blast

At work, at the gym, at the coffee shop, at the library. At yoga, at the beach, Pokemon go raid hour. Mostly at work, but I'm older than you and that's where I meet people and have made friends as an adult.

Not all hobbies require money, that's an odd take. I do think it's harder to meet people when you don't have a family though, that part is true, connections are made through other people so it's more work to build a network if you are just one person.

Great age to meet men, though, if you are looking for that - don't worry about your weight, plenty of guys either like a plush build or don't care. You will do fine in that regard if you are looking.

Mutual Aid/Food Bank/Volunteer around your city, or start a group and invite people around.

Local park and library/college may also help, where groups tend to meet.

Gyms also have classes for different age groups, may take a bit to figur out though!

Quick search:

https://bestlifeonline.com/hobbies-for-your-40s/

Some of these are common sense and good ideas!

Best way to meet new people is when doing things you love!

My mom does a book group.

I dont know if you enjoy singing , but in many countries here in Europe, there are lots of choirs for all types of music, as well as for beginners, for almost professionals and usually all ages mixed or lots of people above 40. Usually people go for a drink after rehearsal but not for the alcohol but for the company. In my choir many that come to the bar after rehearsal just drink something nonalcoholic.

Here, 40 is also an age where people still go to bars without feeling weird about it. Of course there are a few bars only full of Students but there are still lots of bars with people above 40 too.

I joined a local maker space and met great people, sharing similar interests. Surprisingly (to me when I joined) most seem to be over 40, like me, and there are as many women as men here.

Check your local library for adult programs.

I know you said you don't like dating apps, but I would write them off completely. My partner and I met online (we're both within a few years of your age), and one thing we both agree on is that dating apps are great for vetting a potential partner ahead of time. It's frustrating to meet someone only to find out that they have/want kids (we don't), don't share any common interests, have opposing religious/political views, etc. By the time we actually met in person, we both already knew that we would at least get along as friends. It does seem that women tend to get a lot more "garbage" matches on online dating than men do, though; it probably also depends largely on where you live.

If you're up for it -- try a fitness group, hiking group, or gym, you might not meet friends right away but any time you spend there will still feel good and be good for you

Have you tried volunteering? Gets you out, you'd meet people with similar interests, and to top it off you'd be doing good in the community!

I think that depends on the groups that exist near you.

I know someone who was in a similar situation (divorced around 50), and she found a local hiking group of divorced people who wanted exactly what you're looking for. So maybe ask on a local group on some social networks?

Hiking specifically is great because it's an activity that both kinda forces people to talk, and also supplies a default topic for conversation (It's also free, healthy and doesn't require special skills). If you're not into hiking, maybe a book club? Volunteering groups, like other people suggested, also fits that bill. Point is, don't just look for [an activity] with people your age, think about how much that activity is conductive for making friends. Something with 10% people your age, but that encourages talking with each other, might be better than something with 90% people your age where the group listens to a teacher together and then everybody does their own thing separately.

Also, It might actually get easier to find new people in a few years. Some people wait for their kids to grow up/move out before divorcing, which creates a spike of single people at that age.

I met my partner via Hinge app. We started hanging out on a regular basis and the relationship happened organically over time.

The world of dating apps sucks these days. I liked when they were in the form of email. I would write long opening messages that revealed my personality and met people pretty easily. Now they're modeled like test messages. I am not great a stupid small talk. It made things harder for me.

Good luck! It's easy to feel down about meeting people at this age, but also one of my best friends is someone who I met via a dating app. We both knew we weren't right romantically, but remained pals. She and her husband come join us for movie night and such. I guess I'm saying don't lose hope.

Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.

First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.

Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.

Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.

There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.

It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.

Same way a man meets people: meetup.com

Some suggestions, either online or local;

Bookclubs
Walking groups
Chess, board games, table top
Theater groups (meetup groups to go to the theater as a group)
Escape room group meetups.

Depending on if you are in a city or a smaller town the locals options will vary. I'd look at meetups site and browse local activities. For most any activity you will find a range of ages, but some will skew more one way than another.

Best of luck!

I have a group of friends from Meetup (as others have suggested). One of them just got married for the first time at around 40. He met his wife via a friend who he also met from Meetup. Just a personal anecdote but I thought it would be helpful :)

Good luck!

Bumble friend search, you don't have to look romantically. Meetup works too, though not quite as well for me, since not everyone with a common interest wants a new close friend.

We're out there and depending on where you are there's quite a lot of us in your shoes and many also don't really know how to go about this business.

If the objective is “meeting people” in the dating sense, it’s usually going to be apps or singles events. Some apps are definitely better than others, so I wouldn’t just write them all off thinking they’re all like Tinder.

If dating is a nice-to-have outcome but you’re also happy to socialize, MeetUp is a great option. You can vet events based on something you’re already interested in, and meeting someone while doing it becomes secondary (and therefore less pressure). If there are no good candidates (or no chemistry), then at least you didn’t waste your night - you still got to play board games or make sourdough or whatever was going on.

Board game or DnD club! I've met so many cool people at these things and it's a fun hobby to boot! :)